


[1]

by jink



Series: IF Lost [Director's Cuts] [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Mentions of Attempted Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 06:19:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13452309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jink/pseuds/jink
Summary: Two friends, a sleepover, and a secret revealed.





	[1]

The first thing I notice is the sound of you shuffling around under the blanket I lent you. I told you it was fine if you slept on the bed, but you insisted you didn't want to bother me and decided to sleep on our shitty old inflatable mattress. The damn thing can barely hold air as long as I can hold my breath, which isn't very long. You mumble something I can't understand to yourself and then there's more movement. I regret briefly not sleeping facing towards you, I want to know what's going on, maybe you're just going to take a piss, maybe you finally regret choosing to sleep on the mattress. I immediatley assume the latter prediction as I feel the side of my mattress slowly shift under your weight. I can tell you're trying to be careful as not to disturb me, but it's already to late for that, I'm a light sleeper and a mouse's feet pattering across the floor could have woken me up. I slowly turn over to see if anything's wrong. "Ah, sorry, um, the mattress got uncomfortable," figures, I think to myself, "is it fine if I sleep here?" I nod and hum an affirmation, my voice still gone with sleep. I scoot closer to the wall and you lay your pillow next to mine. As I wait for you to get comfortable I look through the slit in the curtains covering the window above my bed. The stars are really bright tonight and the sky looks beautiful. I wish I could save the image with a picture, but my phone camera never does it any justice. I realize you've stopped moving and look towards you to see if you look comfortable. I startle slightly when I realize you're staring back at me, a small smile appears and fades from your face so quickly I'm not even sure it was there to begin with. Before I can look away you begin to speak, "Don't you ever get hot wearing long sleeve shirts all the time?" Normally I would wear an old baggy t-shirt to sleep but since you're here I opted for a thin long sleeve instead. I shrug and turn to look back at the stars,"Meh, sometimes I guess." It's not a lie but I become worried about the questions that might follow. But instead of the question I was expecting, you sit up abruptly and move so that your legs straddle my waist. The sudden movements startle me and in a sleepy panic I attempt to escape from underneath you but you let your entire weight rest on me and grab my hands before I can push you off. "Sorry! Sorry, please calm down." You're voice sounds slightly pleading, you face looks like you might be regretting your actions. I know you wouldn't harm me but the feeling of being trapped isn't a good one but I try to slow my breathing anyways. You wait patiently as I try to calm down, still holding my wrists by the side of my head. Your stare makes me look away, what are you staring so intently at? I'm not feeling very sleepy anymore and manage to find my voice to whisper a very confused, "What are you doing?" Your grip on my wrists loosens a bit as you begin sliding your hands down my forearm pulling my sleeves down with them. A sense of panic begins to arise again. "I'm sorry," you're always saying sorry, I just want to know what's going on. "But I'm not stupid, and I'm not blind to the way you've been acting the past few months. I think you lie because you don't want to worry people, I understand that, but we've know each other for years and I'm starting to feel like you don't trust me." You keep pulling down my sleeves at a painfully slow place, at this point I just want to get it over with. At your words I want you to know the truth. My throat feels constricted but I manage to squeeze out an, "I'm sorry." I give up, having just one person I don't have to act fake around would be nice, I think. I can feel my throat relax and a calmness slowly falls over me. "Just look already," I say a bit louder than I mean to finally looking up at your face, I want to see your reaction. You yank my sleeves down as far as they'll go. You look at the scars running down both my forearms with a face full of awe and sadness. I can see things slowly start clicking in your brain. Like the time I was "very sick" and had to stay in the hospital for a few days. Or the many times I was sent to the office for no reason but really I was made to see the counselor. I decide to break your train of thought before it can get too dark, “You wanna know what I learned from this?” You look up at me, eyes still full of sadness but now with a twinge of hope. “Cut deeper”, I say as I watch your face contort as if you’ve just seen a ghost. I can’t hold back my laughter, pulling my wrists out of your grasp to poke you in the forehead. “Sometimes it’s ok to fail, because it literally won’t be the end of everything.”

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written in my life. How do paragraphs work?
> 
> This work is based on the quote, “Sometimes it’s ok to fail, because it literally won’t be the end of everything.”


End file.
